Male Sexual Assault

What is Sexual Assault?

In legal terms, sexual assault is any sexual contact against a person's will or without consent. This includes situations where force, violence, or weapons are used as well as situations where the victim is too intoxicated or scared to give consent.

Sexual assault happens to men as well as women. Some estimate that 5% to 10% of all sexual assaults committed in the United States involve male victims and as many as 1 in 10 men are assaulted in their lifetime

How Does a Woman Force a Man to Have Unwanted Sex?

Women are most likely to use psychological pressure such as verbal pleading and arguments, emotional blackmail, and deception. Just like in female sexual assault, women will take advantage of an inebriated man, or supply him drinks until he is drunk. She will pursue the man until he is unable to give consent to the sexual activity, and takes advantage of the situation.

Sexually aggressive women only occasionally resort to intimidation by size, threats of harm including blackmail, physical restraint, physical harm or use of a weapon. In most cases, the force is not extreme. Women will lock men into cars, block an exit from a room, grab them, throw them down on beds or floors, sit on them, or tie them up. Some may pinch, slap or hit men who try to stop their advances. Others resort to blackmail - threatening to divulge damaging information to parents, employers or girlfriends.

You may be thinking, UNWANTED sex? He was lucky, right? WRONG! Unwanted sexual advances are unwanted, for men as well as women. Men, like women, have the same emotional responses to forced sexual intercourse. It interfers with future sexual relationships; it objectifies women as well as men. It is abuse and abuse is about power and control. Women do use sex for power and control, and a woman who forces a man into unwanted sex is exerting power and control over that man.

Unique Issues Faced By Male Survivors

There is great societal denial of male sexual assault. Chances are most people do not hear about the topic of male sexual assault. Some of this is based on the mistaken belief that men are immune to victimization; that men should be able to fight off any attacker if they are truly a "real man." There is also the belief that men can't be forced into sex - either they want it or they don't.

These mistaken beliefs allow most men to feel safe and invulnerable, and to think sexual assault is a "woman's issue." Unfortunately, these beliefs can increase the pain felt by a male survivor of sexual assault. These beliefs leave the male survivor feeling isolated, ashamed and "less of a man."

Unique Problems and Concerns Male Survivors may Experience

For most men, the idea of being a victim is hard to handle. Men are raised to believe that he should be able to defend himself against all odds, or he should be willing to risk his life or severe injury to protect his pride and self-respect. Beliefs about "manliness" and "masculinty" are deeply ingrained in most men and can lead to intense feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy for the male survivor of sexual assault.

Many male survivors may question whether they deserved or somehow wanted to be sexually assaulted because, in their minds, they failed to defend themselves. Male survivors frequently see their assault as a loss of manhood and are disgusted with themselves for not "fighting back." These feelings are normal but the thoughts attached to them aren't necessarly true.

Male survivors are at an increased risk for depression, difficulties at work, physical altercations, and developing alcohol and drug problems.

For heterosexual men, sexual assault almost always causes some confusion or questions about their sexuality. Sexual assault has nothing to do with sexual orientation, past present or future. People do not "become gay" as a result of being sexually assaulted.

For gay men, sexual assault can lead to feelings of self-blame and self-loathing attached to their sexuality. There is already enough homophobic sentiment in society to make many gay men suffer from internal conflicts about their sexuality. Being sexually assaulted may lead a gay man to believe he somehow "deserved it," or that he was "paying the price" for his sexual orientation.

It is important to remember that sexual assault is an act of violence, power and control and that NO ONE deserves it.

What to do if you have been sexually assaulted

Take Care of Yourself: It is important for you to know that your reactions are normal and temporary reactions to an abnormal event.

Go to a safe place: a well lit, busy public building, to a friend's house or a police station.

Call someone to help you: a friend, the police, or other campus or community agencies.

Don't shower, drink, eat or change your clothes: These activities may destroy physical evidence the could be useful if you decide to prosecute.

Get medical attention: Go to the nearest hospital. Even if you feel embarrassed about your injuries, it is very important to receive medical assistance. Hospital staff are accustomed to dealing with injuries to the penis or anus and they are trained to do so as professionally as they would treat a broken bone or heart attack. Even if you don't seem to be seriously hurt, you may have hidden internal injuries that can become infected or worsen with time. Symptoms of sexually transmitted diseases or HIV can lie dormant for a long time, but early medical attention may prevent severe problems or outbreaks later. 

Get support: Identify people you trust to validate your feelings. Spend time with people who know your strengths and positive qualities. Try not to isolate yourself.

Use stress reduction techniques: Release some of the hurt and anger in a positive way: Remember you are safe. Even if you don't feel like you are safe and the assault is over. It may take longer than you like, but you will feel better. Engage in hard exercises like walking, jogging, biking, swimming, or weight lifting. Learn relaxation techniques like yoga, massage, music, prayer and/or meditation.

Go to counseling: There are many options open to you; take advantage of the services. At the very least, you can learn positive coping skills. 

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